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100+ Funny Kayaking & Canoeing Quotes

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100+ Funny Kayaking & Canoeing Quotes

It’s natural that people have said many funny things about kayaking in its long history. There are plenty of resources to help you learn more about how to kayak on our site, but today we’re focusing on funny kayaking quotes you can share with your fellow paddlers.

Kayaking should be funny because, well, life isn’t always so serious. These funny kayaking quotes will help you bring humor to the party next time you climb into your recreational kayak.

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Funny Kayaking Quotes

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1. “The storms come and go, the waves crash overhead, the big fish eat the little fish, and I keep on paddling.”

George R. R. Martin

2. “Writing, to me, is like kayaking a river. You are paddling down, and you come to a walled-off canyon, and you make a sharp turn, and you don’t know what’s around the corner. It could be a waterfall, it could be a big pool. The narrative current carries you. You’re surprised, and you’re thrilled, and sometimes you’re terrified.”

Peter Heller

3. “If in doubt, paddle out.”

Nat Young

4. “Paradise is just a paddle away.”

Author unknown

5. “Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll go kayaking.”

Author unknown

6. “Keep your face always toward sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.”

Walt Whitman

7. “I don’t need therapy, I just need to go kayaking.”

Author unknown

8. “Stress is caused by not kayaking enough.”

Author unknown

Photo by Max Topchii via Shutterstock

9. “A rough day at sea is better than any day at the office.”

Author unknown

10. “What happens on the river stays on the river.”

Author unknown

11. “Kayak more, worry less.”

Author unknown

12. “Always assume I’d rather be kayaking.”

Author unknown

13. “Life is like the river, sometimes it sweeps you gently along and sometimes the rapids come out of nowhere.”

Emma Smith

14. “Yes, I do have a retirement plan. I plan on kayaking.”

Author unknown

15. “I kayak to burn off the crazy.”

Author unknown

16. “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a kayak and that’s kind of the same thing.”

Author unknown

17. “The two best reasons to buy a kayak rather than just renting are sunsets and sunrises.”

Thomas P. Jones

Photo by EB Adventure Photography via Shutterstock

18. “Learn to kayak because zombies can’t swim.”

Author unknown

19. “Your kayak doesn’t have an expiration date.”

Author unknown

20. “You know you’re a kayaker when you can’t go over a bridge without checking to see how much water is under it.”

Author unknown

21. “Never mess with a kayaker. We know places where no one will find you.”

Author unknown

22. “Kayaking is the answer. Who cares what the question is.”

Author unknown

23. “Kayaking is not just a hobby. It’s a post-apocalyptic survival skill.”

Author unknown

24. “There is nothing—absolutely nothing—half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.”

Kenneth Grahame

25. “Born to paddle, forced to work.”

Author unknown

Photo by marekuliasz via Shutterstock

26. “Paddle faster. I hear banjos!”

Author unknown

27. “Life’s short, paddle hard.”

Author unknown

28. “She wasn’t drifting away. She was paddling her own boat.”

Author unknown

29. “Life’s a river. Grab a paddle.”

Author unknown

30. “There needs to be balance or you will sink.”

Author unknown

31. “Around every bend there’s a great surprise… you just have to look for it.”

Author unknown

32. “Some beautiful waters can’t be explored without getting lost.”

Author unknown

33. “Good things come to those who paddle.”

Author unknown

Photo by Max Topchii via Shutterstock

34. “Reality called. So I hung up and went kayaking.”

Author unknown

35. “Do I want to go kayaking again? For shore.”

Author unknown

36. “Future me is already complaining that my arms are sore.”

Author unknown

37. “Kayak Girl: like a normal girl but much cooler.”

Author unknown

38. “Life is short. Buy the kayak.”

Author unknown

39. “River life. Because beaches be salty.”

Author unknown

40. “If you need good paddling then it’s time to go kayaking.”

Author unknown

41. “Never underestimate an old man in a kayak.”

Author unknown

Photo by Jim David via Shutterstock

42. “I’m proof mommy can’t resist kayakers.”

Author unknown

43. “I kayak because punching people is frowned upon.”

Author unknown

44. “If it involves kayaking and dogs, count me in.”

Author unknown

45. “Leave the road. Ride the river.”

Author unknown

46. “Rapids are white. Rivers are blue. I’d paddle tandem. But only with you.”

Author unknown

47. “Do I want to go kayaking again? For shore.”

Author unknown

48. “Paddle solo. Sleep tandem.”

Author unknown

49. “I’m sure there are things that are more important than kayaking. I just can’t think of any right now.”

Author unknown

Photo by Akhenaton Images via Shutterstock

50. “Sloth Kayak Team: We will get there when we get there.”

Author unknown

51. “Time spent on the water is not deducted from one’s lifetime.”

Author unknown

52. “I just want to go kayaking…and ignore my adult problems.”

Author unknown

53. “Into the kayak I go…to lose my mind and find my soul.”

Author unknown

54. “I’m on kayak time.”

Author unknown

55. “A day without kayaking probably wouldn’t kill me. But why risk it?”

Author unknown

56. “I go kayaking and I know things.”

Author unknown

57. “I can load it, launch it, and leave you on the beach.”

Author unknown

58. “I might look like I’m listening to you, but in my head, I’m kayaking.”

Author unknown

Photo by BlueOrange Studio via Shutterstock

59. “Put me in a kayak and don’t let me come back until I change my attitude.”

Author unknown

60. “WARNING! I may start talking about kayaking at any time.”

Author unknown

61. “Education is important but kayaking is importanter.”

Author unknown

62. “All I need is coffee and my kayak.”

Author unknown

63. “I like kayaking and maybe three people.”

Author unknown

64. “Maybe I’m listening…maybe I’m thinking about my new kayak.”

Author unknown

65. “It might look like I’m working, but in my head I’m kayaking.”

Author unknown

66. “Kayaking is my break from reality.”

Author unknown

Photo by G-Stock Studio via Shutterstock

67. “Couples that kayak together, stay together.”

Author unknown

68. “Rock beats scissors. Paper beats rock. Scissors beat paper. Nothing beats kayaking.”

Author unknown

69. “My broom broke, so now I kayak.”

Author unknown

70. “WARNING! Do not mess with my kayak or else you will face the wrath of my paddle.”

Author unknown

71. “If I don’t answer your text, I’m probably kayaking.”

Author unknown

72. “I don’t need therapy in my kayak.”

Author unknown

73. “We can talk about anything you want, as long as it’s kayaking.”

Author unknown

74. “Not today. I’m going kayaking.”

Author unknown

Photo by CroMary via Shutterstock

75. “Kayakers make the coolest grandparents.”

Author unknown

76. “Yippie kayak, other buckets!”

Author unknown

77. “Kayaking because adulting is hard.”

Author unknown

78. “Kayaking solves most of my problems. Fishing solves the rest.”

Author unknown

79. “People tell me I like kayaking.”

Author unknown

80. “My kayak is calling and I must go.”

Author unknown

81. “I know I kayak like a girl. Try to keep up.”

Author unknown

82. “Learn to kayak. Because studies show that kayaking makes you more awesome than the general population.”

Author unknown

83. “WARNING! Too much paddling can make you incredibly awesome.”

Author unknown

Photo by FamVeld via Shutterstock

84. “Kayaking is cheaper than a psychiatrist.”

Author unknown

85. “She asked me to tell her those three words that every girl wants to hear. So I said, “Let’s go kayaking!””

Author unknown

86. “Born to paddle. Forced to work.”

Author unknown

87. “Love many. Trust few. But always paddle your own kayak.”

Author unknown

88. “Kayakers roll over without falling out.”

Author unknown

89. “Smooth water does not make a skillful kayaker.”

Author unknown

90. “With one foot in the kayak and the other on the shore, you are sure to fall into the river.”

Author unknown

91. “Most people don’t want to be saved. Besides, if you keep bailing everybody out, they`ll never learn to paddle on their own.”

Lauren Oliver

Photo by Johanna Poetsch via Shutterstock

92. “If you want to change the world, find someone to help you paddle. ”

William H. McRaven

93. “Six days shalt thou paddle and pack, but on the seventh thou shall wash thy socks.”

Aldo Leopold

94. “I should buy a boat…and a boat trailer and a truck to tow it and boat insurance and gas and…I should buy a kayak.”

Author unknown

95. “Why I Paddle Reason #0912: You can always find your car in the parking lot.”

Author unknown

96. “Kayak in tributaries. Rivers are too mainstream.”

Author unknown

97. “What do you mean your paddling trip went so well you lost track of time? You were supposed to be home over a year ago!”

Author unknown

98. “Certain members of the kayak club are adrift, so to speak.”

Author unknown

99. “Did you hear about the big paddle sale? It was quite an oar-deal!”

Author unknown

100. “Snow kayak. Because grown-ups don’t own sleds.”

Author unknown

Photo by niyazi_gurgen via Shutterstock

101. “Did you row today? It’s PADDLING not rowing!”

Author unknown

102. “Let’s kayak where the WiFi is weak.”

Author unknown

103. “My kayak brings all the buoys to the yard.”

Author unknown

104. “As one goes through life, one learns that if you don’t paddle your own kayak, you don’t move.”

Author unknown

105. “If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.”

Author unknown

106. “Why don’t they allow buffalo on kayaks? Because it’s a ka-YAK, not a Ka-UFFALO!”

Author unknown

Photo by Max Topchii via Shutterstock

107. “Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.”

Author unknown

108. “I never intended to become addicted to paddling my kayak into whirlpools. It’s just something I got sucked into.”

Author unknown

109. “My wife had two kayak paddles and asked me which one I wanted. I said I’d take either/oar.”

Author unknown

110. “What does ‘kayak’ sound like upside down? Blblblblbblbllvgll”

Author unknown

111. “Being a dad is a whole lot like kayaking. The same way the water supports you, you have to support your kids.”

Michael Keaton

112. “In the wise words of the legendary outdoorsman Bear Grylls, “It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Everyone goes kayaking sooner or later.”

Author unknown

113. “Real heroes don’t wear capes. They have kayaks under their feet.”

Author unknown

114. “Come paddle with us. Let’s just say you’re going to have a good time whether you’re going up the river or down it.”

Author unknown

115. “Getting away from the hustle and bustle of life requires a kayak.”

Author unknown

Photo by Thomas Lusth via Shutterstock

116. “Getting a new kayak is like getting a fresh slice of pizza. Even though you’ve had it before, it’s still pretty perfect.”

Author unknown

117. “Life is like a kayak. The hard part comes when you don’t know which way to paddle.”

Author unknown

118. “A kayak is the hippest way of going nowhere I can think of.”

Marshall McLuhan

119. “Toss your coffee in the water and you’ll be addicted to kayaking too.”

Author unknown

120. “I love kayaking because it’s the only sport where I can see stuff people don’t even know is there.”

Author unknown

Funny Canoeing Quotes

Photo by Popartic via Shutterstock

1. “Canoe believe this view? Oar am I just seeing things?”

Author unknown

2. “Never trust a person whose feet are dry and who is paddling a canoe.”

Author unknown

3. “About the best reason I can think of for owning a canoe is that it can take me into the wilderness. And what, you may ask, is so great about wilderness? The silence, for one thing.”

Robert Kimber

4. “I’ve always thought that you should concentrate on paddling your own canoe.”

John Dos Passos

5. “A canoe does not know who is king. When it turns over, everyone gets wet.”

Malagasy proverb

6. “Anyone who says they like portaging is either a liar or crazy.”

Bill Mason

7. “Wherever there is a channel for water, there is a road for the canoe.”

Henry David Thoreau

Photo by EB Adventure Photography via Shutterstock

8. “First rule of canoeing: never lose the paddle.”

Author unknown

9. “…portaging is like hitting yourself on the head with a hammer: it feels so good when you stop.”

Bill Mason

10. “The goal of a wilderness canoe trip should be to collect enough of the wilderness experience to last the whole year… A full cup is the only way that the winter can be endured.”

Greg Went

11. “There`s no mastery to be had. You love the attempt. You don`t master a story any more than you master a river. You feel lucky to canoe down it.”

Garrison Keillor

12. “Originality is unexplored territory. You get there by carrying a canoe – you can’t take a taxi.”

Alan Alda

13. “It’s quite an oar-deal to be this in love with nature.”

Author Unknown

14. “What sets a canoeing expedition apart is that it purifies you more rapidly and inescapably than any other. Travel a thousand miles by train and you are a brute; pedal five hundred on a bicycle and you remain basically a bourgeois; paddle a hundred in a canoe and you are already a child of nature.”

Pierre Trudeau

15. “You can’t fire a cannon from a canoe!”

Charles Poliquin

16. “No man can paddle two canoes at the same time.”

Bantu proverb

Photo by Brian Lasenby via Shutterstock

17. “If there’s a place, canoe there.”

Brent Kelly

18. “Canoe + waterfall = I don’t go camping anymore.”

Demetri Martin

19. “The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.”

Dave Barry

20. “Ah Jenks? It’s not a lake, it’s a friggin’ freshwater ocean. Did you see the size of the tanker going under the bridge when we came into town? The wake from it could tip us. I’m canoeing it unless your name is Pocahontas.”

Kim Harrison

Final Thoughts

Photo by TAGSTOCK1 via Shutterstock

Keep it fun on your next kayaking adventure.

Whether you’re paddling a touring kayak or taking your fishing kayak out with fellow anglers, we hope you take these funny kayaking quotes with you to share wherever you paddle next!

Enjoyed 100+ Funny Kayaking & Canoeing Quotes? Share it with your friends so they too can follow the Kayakhelp journey.

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Funny Kayaking Quotes

Author: Peter SalisburyPete is the Owner of KayakHelp.com. Born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio, he grew up kayaking, fishing, sailing, and partaking in outdoor adventures around the Great Lakes. When he’s not out on the water, you can find him skiing in the mountains, reading his favorite books, and spending time with his family.

Welcome! I’m so glad you are here :-) I’m Pete. I am the owner of KayakHelp.com. I was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio, I grew up kayaking, fishing, sailing, and partaking in outdoor adventures around the Great Lakes. When I am not out on the water, you can find me skiing in the mountains, reading my favorite books, and spending time with my family.